Family conflict during separation often appears to centre on parenting time, property settlement, financial support or the family home. In practice, those issues are frequently symptoms of deeper concerns: safety, financial security, control, grief, mistrust, or fear of losing connection with children.

The Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) does not resolve disputes by focusing only on what each person wants. The law applies structured principles to parenting, property and financial matters. Understanding those principles can help separated parties move beyond entrenched positions and make informed decisions.

Parenting Conflict: The Law Focuses on the Child, Not Parental Entitlement

Parenting disputes are often emotionally charged because they involve a parent’s relationship with their child. One parent may fear being excluded. The other may be concerned about safety, stability or decision-making.

Under the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth), the Court’s paramount consideration in parenting matters is the best interests of the child: s 60CA. The best interests factors are set out in s 60CC and include matters such as:

• the child’s safety;
• the child’s developmental, psychological, emotional and cultural needs;
• each parent’s capacity to meet those needs;
• the benefit to the child of having relationships with parents and other significant people, where safe;
• the child’s views, where appropriate; and
• any history of family violence, abuse or neglect.

There is no automatic right to equal time. Since the 2024 family law reforms, the former presumption of equal shared parental responsibility no longer applies. Parenting arrangements are assessed according to the facts of the case and the child’s best interests.

This means that conflict about “my time” or “your time” is often better reframed as: what arrangement best supports this child’s safety, stability and development?

Property Conflict: Legal Ownership Is Not the Whole Answer

Property disputes are often driven by anxiety about financial survival. A person may want to keep the home because it represents stability. Another may seek a sale because they need financial independence.

Under the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth), property settlement is not determined solely by whose name appears on title or who earned more income. For married couples, the Court may alter property interests under s 79. For de facto couples, equivalent powers generally arise under s 90SM, where jurisdictional requirements are met.

The Court commonly considers:

• whether it is just and equitable to make any order;
• the assets, liabilities and financial resources of the parties;
• financial contributions;
• non-financial contributions;
• homemaking and parenting contributions;
• future needs, including income, health, age and care of children; and
• whether the proposed outcome is just and equitable.

The High Court in Stanford v Stanford [2012] HCA 52 confirmed that property settlement is not a mechanical exercise. The Court must first consider whether it is just and equitable to alter existing property interests.

This is why a dispute that appears to be about a house, business or bank account may actually involve broader questions about contributions, future needs and financial fairness.

Family Violence and Power Imbalance Are Not Ordinary Conflict

Not all conflict is caused by poor communication. In some matters, the real issue is family violence, coercive control or financial abuse.

The Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) defines family violence in s 4AB as violent, threatening or other behaviour that coerces or controls a family member or causes them to be fearful. This can include physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, isolation, surveillance, damage to property and financial control.

Where family violence is present, direct negotiation may be unsafe or inappropriate. The legal strategy may need to prioritise protective arrangements, safe communication methods, urgent parenting orders, injunctions, or intervention order considerations.

A person should not be pressured into treating coercive or controlling behaviour as a simple “communication problem”.

Why Fairness Looks Different to Each Party

Many family law disputes become entrenched because both parties believe their position is fair.

One person may focus on financial contributions. The other may focus on years spent caring for children or supporting the household. One parent may prioritise routine. The other may prioritise increased involvement.

The law recognises that fairness is not always obvious from one fact alone. 

For example:

• higher income does not automatically mean greater entitlement;
• staying home with children can be a significant contribution;
• legal title does not necessarily determine ownership outcomes;
• parenting arrangements are not decided by parental preference; and
• informal agreements may not provide enforceable protection.

A careful legal assessment helps separate emotional positions from the legal issues that must be resolved.

When Agreement May Not Be Enough

Reaching agreement is often positive, but not every agreement provides certainty.

An agreement may be problematic if:

• financial disclosure has not been exchanged;
• one party does not understand the asset pool;
• there is pressure, intimidation or exhaustion;
• important parenting issues are left unclear;
• tax, superannuation or debt consequences are not addressed; or
• the agreement is not properly documented.

Parenting arrangements may be recorded in a parenting plan or formalised through consent orders. Property agreements may be formalised through consent orders or, in appropriate cases, a financial agreement.

Proper documentation reduces the risk of future disputes and helps ensure both parties understand their rights and obligations.

Dispute Resolution and Court Pathways

Many family law matters resolve without a final hearing. Negotiation, lawyer-assisted discussions and mediation can be effective where both parties can participate safely and with adequate information.

For parenting matters, parties are generally required to attempt Family Dispute Resolution and obtain a certificate under s 60I of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) before commencing Court proceedings, unless an exemption applies. Exemptions may include urgency, family violence or child safety concerns.

Court proceedings may be necessary where there are urgent risks, refusal to disclose financial documents, unilateral relocation concerns, family violence, asset dissipation, or entrenched disagreement.

The right pathway depends on the nature of the conflict, not simply the fact that conflict exists.

Practical Steps When Conflict Is Escalating

If separation conflict is becoming difficult to manage, practical steps include:

• keep communication factual, respectful and child-focused;
• avoid making major financial decisions without understanding the consequences;
• collect bank statements, payslips, tax returns, loan documents and property records;
• document parenting arrangements and changeovers;
• preserve evidence of concerning behaviour or financial control;
• consider structured negotiation or mediation where safe;
• obtain clarity before signing or agreeing to settlement terms; and
• act promptly if there are safety, relocation or asset protection concerns.

Early structure can prevent conflict from becoming more expensive, stressful and difficult to resolve.

How Shan Lawyers Can Assist

At Shan Lawyers, we assist clients across Melbourne and Victoria with parenting disputes, property settlements, de facto separation, divorce, family violence issues and formalising agreements.

Effective family law advice requires more than identifying the legal issue. It requires understanding what is driving the dispute, applying the relevant law, and developing a practical strategy that protects long-term interests.

If family conflict during separation is making it difficult to resolve parenting, property or financial issues, our experienced family lawyers in Melbourne can help you understand the legal issues involved and the options available.

Contact Shan Lawyers to discuss your circumstances and receive practical legal guidance tailored to your situation.

About the Author

Thirumalai Selvi Shanmugam is the founder, Director, and Principal lawyer at Shan Lawyers and is a leading family law specialist in Australia whose expertise is often sought by organisations and the media.

Disclaimer

This article provides general information only and does not constitute legal advice. Family law matters are fact-specific, and the options available will depend on the circumstances of each case.