Parenting Apps

Parents commonly use text messages, emails, shared calendars, location updates and parenting apps to manage changeovers, school events, medical appointments and day-to-day communication. Parenting communication after separation can become particularly important where parents need clarity, structure or a reliable record of child-related arrangements. 

Used well, technology can reduce conflict and create structure. Used poorly, it can escalate disputes, overwhelm the other parent, or become evidence in family law proceedings.

Courts increasingly expect separated parents to communicate in a way that is child-focused, respectful and safe.

Parenting Communication After Separation

After separation, communication often shifts from relationship-based conversations to practical co-parenting communication. This can be difficult, particularly where trust has broken down.

Parenting apps may assist by providing:

• shared calendars for care arrangements and school events;
• records of messages between parents;
• expense tracking and reimbursement requests;
• document storage for medical, school or travel information;
• changeover notes; and
• a structured platform that reduces unnecessary direct contact.

These tools can be particularly useful where parents need clarity, accountability and a written record of arrangements.

However, a parenting app is not a substitute for proper parenting arrangements. It is a tool to help implement those arrangements.

Since the 2024 family law reforms, there is no longer a presumption of equal shared parental responsibility. Parenting arrangements are determined by reference to the child’s best interests and the circumstances of the particular family.

Technology is therefore assessed in that context. The issue is not whether one parent prefers a particular communication platform. The issue is whether the proposed communication method supports safe, practical and child-focused parenting.

What Courts Expect From Parenting Communication

The Court expects communication between the parents to be appropriate, relevant and focused on the child’s welfare. 

Parents should avoid using texts, emails or apps to:

• criticise or insult the other parent;
• argue about adult relationship issues;
• send excessive or unnecessary messages;
• involve the child in parental conflict;
• make threats;
• ignore reasonable child-related communication;
• pressure the other parent into agreements; or
• create a record designed only for litigation.

Parenting Apps as Evidence

Messages sent through parenting apps, emails and text messages may be used as evidence in family law proceedings where relevant.

This can be helpful where a parent needs to demonstrate:

• compliance with parenting arrangements;
• repeated missed changeovers;
• refusal to communicate about important issues;
• inappropriate or abusive communication;
• agreement about particular arrangements; or
• attempts to resolve issues respectfully.

However, selective screenshots can be misleading. Courts generally prefer complete and contextual records rather than isolated extracts.

Parents should assume that written communication may later be reviewed by lawyers, a family report writer, an Independent Children’s Lawyer, or the Court.

Technology Abuse and Family Violence

Technology can also be used as a form of control or harassment.

Under s 4AB of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth), family violence includes behaviour that coerces or controls a family member or causes them to be fearful. Technology-based abuse may be relevant where it involves conduct such as:

• constant monitoring or surveillance;
• abusive or threatening messages;
• repeated unwanted contact;
• tracking through devices or apps;
• accessing accounts without permission;
• using children’s devices to monitor the other parent;
• publishing private information; or
• financial control through digital platforms.

Where technology is being used to intimidate, monitor or control, ordinary co-parenting communication tools may not be appropriate without safeguards.

In Victoria, recording or monitoring conversations may also raise issues under the Surveillance Devices Act 1999 (Vic). Parents should be cautious about recording conversations, tracking devices or accessing accounts without proper authority.

When Parenting Apps May Be Useful

Parenting apps can be helpful where parents:

• need a central place for child-related communication;
• struggle with missed messages or unclear arrangements;
• want to reduce emotional or reactive communication;
• need a shared calendar for school, sport and medical events;
• require a record of expenses;
• have Court orders requiring structured communication; or
• benefit from limiting communication to one platform..

Some parenting orders specifically require communication through an agreed parenting app or written platform. This can reduce disputes about what was said and when.

When Parenting Apps May Not Be Enough

Parenting apps do not resolve all parenting conflict.

They may be insufficient where:

• there are serious safety concerns;
• one parent refuses to use the app;
• communication remains abusive;
• urgent decisions are required;
• there are allegations of family violence;
• a parent is withholding the child;
• there is a relocation or travel dispute; or
• the parties need formal parenting orders.

In those circumstances, parenting arrangements may need to be addressed through negotiation, Family Dispute Resolution, consent orders, or Court proceedings.

For most parenting proceedings, parties are generally required to attempt Family Dispute Resolution and obtain a certificate under s 60I of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) before filing, unless an exemption applies, such as urgency or family violence.

Practical Tips for Better Communication

Separated parents can reduce conflict by following clear communication practices:

• keep messages brief, factual and child-focused;
• use one agreed communication method where possible;
• avoid responding immediately when upset;
• do not use children as messengers;
• confirm changes to care arrangements in writing;
• avoid sarcasm, blame or personal criticism;
• keep records of important communications;
• respect privacy and digital boundaries;
• do not track or monitor the other parent without authority; and
• ensure children are not exposed to adult conflict through devices.

Clear and respectful parenting communication after separation can help reduce unnecessary conflict and keep the focus on the child’s needs.

How Shan Lawyers Can Assist

Shan Lawyers assists parents across Melbourne and Victoria with parenting arrangements, communication issues, Family Dispute Resolution, parenting orders and family law proceedings.

Where communication with a former partner is becoming difficult, unsafe or is affecting parenting arrangements, early legal advice can help clarify the options available.

If parenting communication after separation is causing ongoing conflict or concern, contact Shan Lawyers for advice about your circumstances and the next steps available.

About the Author

Thirumalai Selvi Shanmugam is the founder, Director, and Principal lawyer at Shan Lawyers and is a leading family law specialist in Australia whose expertise is often sought by organisations and the media.

Disclaimer

This article provides general information only and does not constitute legal advice. Family law matters are fact-specific, and available options depend on the circumstances of each case.

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